And The Dragons Do Come
Sim Butler is an Alabama communications professor with two daughters. One is trans. “Kate” is around 15.
He uses a pseudonym, although he noted that she originally chose “Marina” as a feminine name. It’s unclear if that means they did not use that name.
Sim Butler discusses raising a trans child, providing general information (such as sports and health issues), and sharing a personal narrative.
His state’s passage of anti-trans legislation, including making him a felon if he provided health care to his child, led the family to leave the state.
(The state government’s current mentality is suggested by this review of the book, which appears to be written by a conservative-leaning website that focuses on state news. The discussion keeps on, for instance, talking about “his son.”)
There is a depressing quality to that which is familiar.
Becoming Nicole was written ten years ago. (The subject wrote her own book recently. She is now in her 20s.) To be able to provide the best care for their daughter, the parents basically lived apart, so she could go to a supportive school.
Kate and her family received support from family, friends, and their liberal minded church when she first came out. Things went less well in first grade, though the school assured them things would go okay.
A new teacher led things to go sideways. They went to another school, which required the author to get another job to afford to pay for it. What about people without similar resources? I ask rhetorically.
The author loves his home state, but is a tad bit naive, though he grants he is protected as a white, economically privileged individual. Alabama, in recent years, has had other conservative complications.
The book, for instance, doesn’t talk about reproductive rights. The author is liberal. He’s an academic, went to a liberal LGBTQ-friendly congregation with women pastors, supports rationality, and thinks reasoning will work things out.
But something seems to be missing there. Also, I don’t quite believe “rural America” (minus a bad teacher) did not push back a bit more than he suggests. Maybe, I’m just a stereotyping Yankee liberal from a big city. Still, he might have left something out. Alabama didn’t suddenly become particularly backward politically without some help.
Butler references his grandfather, who was a sheriff for decades, ending around 1990. He vaguely references that, at first, a quick search suggested that the grandfather was not a “heavy” as compared to other officials during the Civil Rights Era.
He then suggests that maybe he was being a bit naive without going further. Yes, that seems to be true. Butler doesn’t press the point, but perhaps figured he had to talk about his grandfather since he was a public figure. A jail was named after him.
So, liking the book as a whole, I think something is missing. The early reference to his daughter choosing “Marina” as her new name, and then suddenly that not coming up again, is also curious to me. Did he hold back or leave something out?
The parents’ fighting the dragons helped Kate have a safe space to develop. Her gender dysphoria, before having a chance to live her life in a way matching the gender she knew in her mind, led to various negative consequences.
She was much happier when she was able to be her true self, including in a safe and supportive school environment. Which, amazingly, did exist in Alabama.
(Conservative politics in the state eventually targeted her supportive middle school.)
She still worried about publicly being a girl (it led her to dislike organized sports) in such contexts. She worried about how others might see her. Non-trans boys and girls also sometimes have comparable gender issues. What is a “normal” gender identity?
The book ends with the story incomplete. We live in anti-trans times. There is a reference to anti-trans legislation being proposed in their new, more purple-leaning (unnamed) Southern state. Kentucky? Georgia? Kate, however, seems to be doing well.
First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
The epilogue references Martin Niemoller's famous quote. A useful comment, especially given all the targets these days. Trans people are a leading target these days.
A majority of states have anti-trans legislation. Anti-trans legislation is motivated by certain religious beliefs, hatred and/or fear of gender complexity (especially tied to patriarchy, which is closely connected to authoritarianism), and partisan cynicism.
Yet the majority refuses to call a spade a spade. Instead, it obfuscates a sex classification that is plain on the face of this statute, all to avoid the mere possibility that a different court could strike down SB1, or categorical healthcare bans like it.
Justice Sotomayor, dissenting.
The Supreme Court upheld anti-trans legislation, refusing to even acknowledge it as anti-trans. Shades of Plessy v. Ferguson, where the Court said any feelings of discrimination are only “in their head”? Animus regularly involves (as here) suspiciously selective attacks based on dubious at best evidence.
Nonetheless, trans people continue to exist, and they and their families and communities keep on insisting they should be and can be happy, have support, and be treated as individuals. Parents play a leading role. Like Sim Butler and his wife.
Transphobia is wrong. Trans people and their families should have our support. Anti-trans fearmongering did not work in the 2024 elections. If that is your concern.
(The book explains that a careful strategy was taken early on to focus on strongly Republican areas and states so big such as Florida (Disney) and Texas, where boycotts would not work that well. But the failure in more blue-friendly areas still is notable.)
Check out the book. Recommended, especially if you like reason, empathy, and some humor. There is no picture of his daughters, but his website has a picture of his wife.